Tips to Create and Facilitate a Secure Base:
- Use the same space each time you sit down to go through the exercises. This gives a sense of continuity and holding.
- Take one minute before each exercise to tell yourself, or each other, how you are in that moment, including a feeling word and a physical sensation. Only listen when the other speaks. This gives you a chance to be aware of your own and (if applicable) each other’s state of mind before you start.
- Stay conscious of peripheral behaviours like eyerolling, tutting, turning away, ignoring certain feelings, both internally and outwardly, and use whatever you may notice in a compassionate way and not as ammunition. Acknowledging that these responses exist and bringing them into awareness without judgement or aggression can be hugely supportive.
- When you sit down, repeat these words – either aloud or silently – before you start: I aim to make this a safe space.
- Should you descend into an argument or feel emotionally overwhelmed, take responsibility to pause as soon as possible. Step away and find emotional equilibrium before returning to reflect on what may have been triggered. Focus on your own feelings and behaviours.
- Stay open, stay centred, stay curious, and invite calm.
I suggest you read these tips before starting each exercise session as a gentle contract of the safety you wish to be held by.