Each chapter’s exercise session should end with a short debrief that includes the following sequence. This sequence will be the same for all ten chapters. If you are doing this on your own, you can, after finishing your notes, settle for a moment with eyes closed, then tell yourself these things out loud, or internally.
- Express, like at the beginning, one feeling word and one physical sensation.
- Provide one ‘I notice’ statement (each). The ‘I notice’ statement should be about yourself and related to what you have reflected on. This could be ‘I notice that I often shut down when I feel sad,’ or ‘I feel invigorated when I am engrossed in X.’
- One sentence on what might feel historically familiar to you, like ‘I can’t remember receiving much comfort as a child when sad,’ or ‘I remember how joyful it was to sing as a child.’
- One self-compassion statement. This can often feel tricky, especially as self-compassion carries such a loaded interpretation of ‘self-love,’ which is often lacking when it comes to the wounded parts of ourselves. But self-compassion often comes before the self-love, and it needs repeated action in order to create a new groove. One example of a self-compassion statement could be: ‘I struggle feeling sad around others, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be comforted.’
- Write down how the ‘I notice’ statement possibly manifests itself in your relationship/s.
I suggest that you create a dedicated section in your notebook where you write down, as a list, the date, the feeling word and physical sensation before and after the session, the I notice statement, what is familiar to you, the self-compassion statement and how it possibly manifests.
To make this easier to keep track of, I have created a simple workbook that you can download from the resources page on my website to help keep track. Under Resources, you will also find each chapter’s exercises as they are published, and a reference to The Secure Base.